Clarity - Gabrielle's Thoughts
by chellynique
Summary: Gabrielle reflects on her life on the road and her friendship with Xena.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Xena series or any of the characters.

**Author's Note** - This is my first attempt at fanfic, so please feel free to leave comments.

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**Clarity**

When darkness falls and the world around me turns quiet, a sense of calm fills the air. I can feel the shift in the atmosphere. It's as though the weight of the day is being lifted and the world agrees to have peace, if only for a little while. It is in this darkness of night that I have my moments of clarity and moments of reflection. Night is my time; the time of Gabrielle.

The stars are shining brightly tonight and the sound of the wind through the trees plays like a familiar song. The idea of sleeping on the open road used to bother me and although I would never admit it to you, it scared me. But now, the open road feels like home and with you by my side, I've never felt safer.

There's a crisp chill in the air and I'm suddenly grateful for the campfire; not only for its warmth, but for what its light reveals. I have a perfect view of you. There's a slight smile on your face as you sleep and I am captivated by how peaceful you look; the demeanor of a warrior has fallen away and in its place is the look of a Xena who hasn't experienced a lifetime of anger, regrets and bloodshed.

Watching you has become a nightly ritual; a ritual that feels as natural to me as breathing. The fire's glow dances menacingly across your sleeping form; teasing me, tempting me to trace its movements. I want to give in and I'm surprised when I realize that my hand is already moving toward you. I stop myself and tuck the offender securely beneath my chin.

So much has changed since we first met. I've seen evil, I've fought evil. I've seen what both love and hatred can do. Now more than ever I realize that we are living on borrowed time. In an instant lives can be changed; lives can be lost.

An image of Perdicus flashes across my mind and it pains me. I lost my friend, my husband to a killer. I know I cared for Perdicus, but it wasn't until I caught your eye after the ceremony that I realized that it was you I wanted to wake up to every day. It was your touch I craved, your eyes that could spark an instant fire within me.

I know this time we have together will not last forever, so I make it a point to study every part of you, never wanting to forget the curl of your lips or the arch of your brow. I want to etch every memory of you in my mind. You are a perfect confluence of strength and gentleness, grace and animalism, passion and compassion. You are beautiful.

My eyes make its way to your lips and I wonder what it would be like pressed against my own; to have you kiss me with the need and passion that I feel for you. I smile at my thoughts of you, but I know that dwelling on these thoughts will start a fire that cannot easily be quenched.

I take a deep breath and try to push the thought out of my mind. Staring up at the night sky I begin to slowly count to ten, but like a moth to a flame, my eyes are drawn to you once more. I watch the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest and become entranced by the calming sounds of you breathing. How did I manage to get by all those nights in Potedia without you?

Your beauty attracts me. Your gentleness and strength surprise me, but it is your sense of purpose that keeps me close.

_"I love you." _The whispered words escape my lips and I feel the intensity of their truth deep within my soul. To be so drawn to someone, to love them so purely, to want nothing else in life but to be by their side; this feeling is a blessing. But not being able to tell them, to settle for saying the words to the wind that you long to say to in their ear; this is a curse.

You begin to stir in your sleep and I quickly look away. These quiet moments are the ones I treasure, but they are also the moments I fear. How will you react if you awoke and caught me staring? Would you instantly see the truth in my eyes, or worse, would the truth be hidden?

I shake my head at the absurdity of my thoughts. Not wanting anything to change and yet wanting everything to change. How can these two feelings co-exist? _Make up your mind, Gabrielle. What is it that you want?_

But I know what I want. I've known it for a while. It is no longer a question of whether I should; it is now a question of when. I will tell you when the time is right and I'll have no expectations of the outcome. As my friend, you deserve to know. As your friend, I deserve to tell you.

However our story ends, whether as friends or as something more, I know one thing is certain: it will end with me standing by your side and our souls will forever be intertwined.


End file.
